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There are three engineers in a car: An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?"

A man was walking along Bondi beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK,OK. You released me from the lamp, ... blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to New Zealand, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick.

So could you build me a bridge to New Zealand so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the sea? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man agreed and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said I don't care and that I'm insensitive. I wish that I could understand women...know what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment,know why they are crying, know what they want when they say nothing'...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge to have two lanes or four?"

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one, of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!

Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."